June 3, 2014, TORONTO - Today, a company whose name and shape cannot be easily recalled, a new world leader in innovative climate, temporal, geographic and population management solutions, announced its official presence to a largely naive and fearful population.
“We have been here since time eternal,” the company spoke through the 32 mouths of Sheila Hamilton’s 7th Grade elementary school class on a field trip to the Royal Ontario Museum. “We have seen your birth and can see your death. Those who do not embrace madness will be devoured.”
The company went on to publish a report containing the missing evidence of 17 unsolved murder cases from the past 100 years as well as in-depth financial statistics for every corporation listed on the New York Stock Exchange for the next five years ending December 31, 2019.
“I don’t remember writing that,” wept the insignificant art student that discovered the report written on its bathroom wall.
“I can’t even read it, like my eyes are slipping off the letters and settling on new thoughts. Strange thoughts. It feels real, though. It feels real. I can feel it here,” it said, vaguely moving his hand two or three feet from its own fragile head.
Though the financial predictions have been guaranteed to be accurate representations of the next five years, the company has not taken responsibility for the murders, impressing that human existence is of little consequence to the incomprehensible eternity in which it dreams. The report is simply a glimpse into the nature of the kind of enlightenment new recruits can expect after attending its seminar at a Career Day exhibit held June 12, 2014 from 10 AM - 5PM in a parking lot at Toronto Exhibition Place.
For more information on the company and potential career opportunities have a journal open to a blank page resting on your bedside table before sleeping tonight. Copies of the report written on the art student’s bathroom wall will be made available upon request.